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Domestic abuse doesn’t always have to involve physical fights - constant put-downs and excessive control in the name of ‘love’ can still constitute abuse.
A controlling partner might tell you you’re ugly, you’re stupid and that no-one could love you but them. They might also tell you your friends dislike you and your family don’t care about you… why would they? You’re worthless. They want to know where you’re going and who you’re with 24/7. And if you don’t hand over your social media passwords and mobile phone so they can check your texts, they will show everyone those private pictures you took together.
You are none of these things and you deserve better. We hope this page will support you in taking the first steps towards asking for help. It isn’t easy but please know the police, partner agencies and charitable organisations can and will help and won’t judge any aspect of your life.
Click here to hear Ivy’s story. Ivy* describes how her husband “got into her head”, calling constantly while she was at work, telling her who she could talk to, hiding her shoes and ultimately threatening to hurt or kill her if she told anyone what was happening.
Ivy eventually told someone and her now ex-husband is subject to a five-year restraining order. She is no longer a victim but a survivor and… she works for West Midlands Police.
Coercive control can happen to anyone. There is no shame in coming forward. Call 101 to talk to someone who can help – even if you’re not sure if what you are experiencing is abuse.
*Not her real name.
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